as my coming of age comes to a close, i want to take a moment to reflect on these years and how my mindset has changed as they come to an end.
when i entered my coming-of-age years, i experienced so many new things that made me so happy. i reached the highest of highs. even the "negative" experiences were harmless and made me learn more about myself and the world. i met amazing people, created unforgettable memories, and began to grow into a young adult.
but recently, especially this past year, those highest of highs have dropped to the lowest of lows.
things just don’t go your way like they used to. shitty things happen a lot. my "negative" experiences are no longer harmless. people you love can disappear from your life just like that. life is so fragile. i’ve come to realize that life is not fair.
losing important people in my life has affected me deeply. i’ve struggled to find meaning in my life this past month. the spark is gone. my enthusiasm to try new things, to feel happy like i once did, to look forward to what’s ahead—it’s just not there. i don’t understand life. i’m lost and confused.
as i enter 22 and reflect on my "coming of age" years, i realize that these painful experiences are a sign that i am entering adulthood.
the end of my "coming of age" is a wake-up call that the world is not all sunshine and rainbows.
i have scars. scars that will stay on me forever. i now understand how cruel and brutal the world can be, and how important it is to stay strong and keep moving forward. to live in the moment more.
but even knowing that, it’s still hard to keep going. this is something i need to figure out at 22. right now, i am damaged, and i need to figure out how to heal these scars. the sad thing is, once they heal, more will come. and more… and more… and eventually, they start to feel numb. but i need to keep healing them. i can’t let them sit there and harden.
as these years close and i step into true adulthood...
i will try my best to keep moving forward. to live in the moment. to take on responsibilities. to have no expectations.
no matter how hard it will be, i will keep going. i will not let myself give up.
ty for reading <3
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